Boundaries {A Real Talk}

boundaries marvia davidsonWhere you begin and I end. These are boundaries. We all have them in some way, shape, form, or fashion. This week we’re talking about boundaries at Real Talk Tuesday. They are those invisible lines that keep us within ourselves, or at least that’s how it supposed to work. Let’s talk about the realities of living life with boundaries.

I’ve written about boundaries as rest, and I’m daily choosing to live that out.  Let me tell you something.  It’s so NOT easy to live boundaries even when they’re with yourself.  You have to say “no” and stand by it.  You have to say “yes” even when you’re trembling.  Sometimes you have to go back to a “yes” and make it a “no” because that’s what you should have done in the first place.  Fortunately there is grace in the practice and strength in exercising the boundary muscle.

As I live into my word for the year, rest, I am also finding the need to surround it with firm boundaries.  I can no longer do and be AllTheThings for people.  It wears me out, so I’m listening to pendulum-like whisper of my boundaries.  Swish. Say “yes”.  Swoosh. Say “no”.  Swish. Take care of yourself. Swoosh. Danger, danger.  I’ve been listening to the rhythm of the swishing and swooshing (Are those even real words? They are now).  I hear them warning me, guiding me, and even comforting me.  You see, this is what boundary does.  Boundaries give you your life back.  I don’t know about you, but I want all my life.  I want it to be whole, vibrant, and healthy.  I can’t do that if I don’t have boundaries.

So here’s what I’m learning and putting into practice.  They are things I learned listening to Dr. Townsend speak about boundaries at my church.  It was so full of good take-aways.

  1. I am responsible for my own boundaries.
  2. Frail humanity cannot tell me what my boundaries are or should be.
  3. Boundaries are like a muscle.  You have to exercise them – meaning say “yes” or “no” when you need to.
  4. Boundaries require me to be courageous because there will be pushback. I cannot allow that to keep me from living with my boundaries.
  5. My boundaries speak to what I’m guarding in my heart – my well spring of life.  As Proverbs 4:23 reminds me “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
  6. I have to be cognizant of my boundaries and when they are trespassed.  When I’m aware I can use my voice, speak up, and reaffirm my “yes” and my “no.”  Doing this consistently can lead me to what’s best for me.

kinsey morgan sessions unsplash CC0 marvia davidson guard your heart

Am I going to be great at this in the beginning?  Of course not! Who is? But, the more I choose to practice, lean into the challenges, and clearly articulate who I am, my boundaries, and what I need – that’s a win for me.  So, what about you, beloved? How do you tend your boundaries? How do you honor the boundaries of others? When have you used your voice to speak up about your boundaries?

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2 thoughts on “Boundaries {A Real Talk}

  1. This is good, Marvia. I hadn’t really thought much about boundaries, but we all really need them. Sometimes we need to protect ourselves from ourselves. I need to be much more intentional with setting boundaries and sticking with them. It’s so hard. Blessing to you! xoxo

    1. Gayl,
      I so get that. Boundaries are hard, but they are worth living within. It’s freeing to me. And I want to be more intentional about it too. Thank you for reading!

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