I’ll begin by saying this is not an indictment. It is acknowledging the frailty of my own humanness.
I look for threads of commonality in how I live, move, and be. I keep coming back to this notion of beginnings and the birth of expectations. The starting seems to be the hardest part, the wishing for it all to go well and flourish. To get going toward a dream has been rough going. Sure I’ve ignored it, downplayed it, and even side-eyed it, but I never got down to nitty-gritty of why breakthrough wasn’t happening. I couldn’t figure out why my expectations were not coming to fruition. I said the prayers, held to faith, believed strongly, and hoped things would change. But I did nothing. No action. No feet moving. No going forward. No work. There was always the waiting. Waiting for things to happen.
Waiting for someone else I go first. Waiting for someone else to fail. Waiting for someone else to say it’d be okay. Waiting for things to be or get better. Waiting for the right time. Waiting for some magical moment to infuse me with the courage and will to want to do this thing. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. All the while languishing in the stagnancy of my own inability to will, to want, and to do.
These are hard truths to face, even harder to print and share; but that’s the power of truth. It frees us to live. It calls out the best in us. So I keep on praying for answers and more truth. This has been what it always was: faith without works is dead. Dead. No life. So spring. No fruit. Funny thing when you pray for revelation – it shows you the reality of your own heart, even the yucky stuff you’d rather ignore.
Ouch. That’s hurts. It’s not my life letting me down. It’s not my hope letting me down. It’s no one but my will to work, my inability to be movement behind my belief that something would happen. I’m not talking about career work. I’m talking the work of living a life if faith with purposed boldness in everything I do.
So I hear God’s refrain echo faith without works is dead, and I do not want a dead faith. I want a faith that is alive and active moving me along to do good deeds that bring God glory and honor. Faith plus works. What are these works? Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly. Do good. Whatever I set my hands to do, do it well. Why am I waiting for someone else to do only what I can do? Convicted. My expectations require movement, a doing of sorts. It’s not a striving that God is after. It’s just showing up. It’s marrying belief and expectation to ACTS of faithful work.
There is no faith in waiting wistfully or thinking it’s going to just magically happen. There is no faith in relying on someone else to take the initiative. There is no faith in holding back. That’s no way to live. I am convicted and sorrowful for the time I have wasted in the waiting. Yet, there is also an amazing grace that invites me to change my mind and move forward. It is not shame, but an invitation to try again. So I will try again.
I am choosing to act by faith. To show up. To do the work – my work. To believe God will meet me in the rubble of my dreams and form a masterpiece of this life with me. I will wait no more. I will add feet to my faith. I will do the work. I will keep showing up even when the way is unclear and the map undefined. I trust and expect that God will lead me in the way I should go. It will be an adventure of epic proportions. I’m okay with that, and maybe you are too.