I see you already fuming. Angry as you can because you’ve been called out. Simmer down now. Take a deep breath. Calm down for a second, and hear me out. This Real Talk isn’t about pointing fingers, calling names, placing blame, condemnation, or make anyone feel small. It’s about getting real about life, it’s challenges, and bravely facing the truth of our lives no matter how unattractive they might be.
Have you noticed we seem to live in a world where fantasy trumps truth, and where truth-telling is not chided, unwanted, or even disregarded? Yes, I know. So much of the world seems warped. I think about the many ways we lie. We lie about how we really feel. We lie to ourselves and cross our own boundaries. We lie to protect ourselves or to avoid pain. Maybe we even tell half-truths because we fear being intimately known. Perhaps we lie because we’re so used to living under the impression of our preconceived notions of how others think of us. I get it. I’ve done it too. We all have ways of framing our lives so the broken bits don’t show.
I’ve lied and said, “I’m fine” when I’m heartbroken, deeply hurt, and seething mad. I’ve lied when I’ve said yes, when it should have been no – crossing my own boundaries. I’ve lied when I’ve pretended I’m hunky-dory and that my feelings were wounded. Have you done these things too? Because I know I’m not alone in this struggle. This isn’t a tell-all story. It’s a this-has-got-to-stop-so-I-can-be-the-whole-me kind of story. It’s a story of embracing all the bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes, and successes or failures of my life. It’s about breaking down walls so I can have better relationships with the people who matter to me. It’s about not hiding or being afraid to be known. It’s about boldly facing life’s ups and downs. It’s about being able to say, “Can I be real with you? Will you hold space for my story even when it makes us both uncomfortable?”
Friend, can I tell you something? You and I have the freedom to be our whole selves – even our broken, not-so-neat-and-tidy selves. We do not have to lie to protect ourselves. We do not have to put on a mask of fakery to hide what we really think or feel. We can speak our truths in love. The reality is that we are probably going to hurt one another. We do not do this on purpose (at least I hope not). We are human, and we are imperfect. We have expectations, and sometimes we don’t meet one another’s expectations. Being honest about who we are and why we do what we do can invite deep connection with the people we love. It may not always mean others will agree with what we say. It may not mean it will be comfortable, but it does mean we give people the chance to get to know the real us. That is the risk of being vulnerable in relationships. Some are repelled by it, while others are encouraged by it. Are you with me still? I hope so.
What would happen if we chose truth – the whole, vulnerable truth? What would happened if we owned the “yuck” rather than try to cover it up? What if we got real and honest about the struggles that unhinge us? Would be we loved any less? I should say not! Real and true love embraces the heart and says, “I see you, and I love you. We’re going to get through this.” How can we have that kind of love if we are not willing to throw off every lie and deception?
I don’t know about you, but it’s time to get ruthless with the lies that have tried to destroy my life and the beautiful, unfolding promises God has for me. I have had enough. I’ll take truth. It frees me. It won’t be comfortable, but I’ll choose truth. I have to confront, but I’ll choose to truth and love. You might decide you don’t like me anymore, but I’ll choose to speak truth in love. I want my connection with you (friend or family) to be my priority. It might stretch me and make me grow, and I’ll the choose the naked truth.
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I want my connection with you (friend or family) to be my priority. #realtalktuesday… Click To Tweet